No Matter What
by Rika Yayoi
Summary: "You know, I always hated that princely attitude of yours. You were so fake, it was disgusting. But do you know why I endured it? Do you know how? Because of that goddamn gorgeous face of yours." Kisa Shouta is victim of a hit and run accident that leaves him blind and crippled. What happens to his relationship with Yukina? ONESHOT
1. No Matter What

**Hey guys I'm back with another Sekaiichi Hatsukoi oneshot featuring one of my favourite couples: Kisa x Yukina! :D**

 **Also, I apologize if anyone's OOC.**

 **Enjoy! :)**

* * *

"Kisa-san!" Yukina yelled, panting hard as he slammed open the door. His head was spinning, still trying to process the information he had been told on the phone. But right now, all he could see in the room was his lover's unmoving body, a million worries running through his head. "Oh god, Kisa-san…"

The love of his life was unconscious on the hospital bed. Bandages were wrapped all over his body—his head, his hands, his legs—and upon closer inspection, the man noticed how his cheeks were hollowed in, the dark circles beneath his eyes contrasting with his sickly pale skin, and how his lips were lost of their usual soft pink colour. The only thing that kept Yukina from collapsing right then and there was the light rise and fall of Kisa's chest.

The brunet sank down into the chair beside the bed and clasped Kisa's hand in his, grateful for the warmth he felt between his palms. He pressed his lips to that same hand, taking deep, shaky breaths in an attempt to calm himself down.

 _It's okay. Kisa-san's alive. He's alive. That's all that matters right now._

Yukina thought his heart had literally stopped when he got the call. He had been painting at the university when his cell suddenly rang, and everything after that seemed to be a complete blur in his memory. He remembered paint splattering onto the ground, easels being knocked over as he sprinted to the door, and adrenaline coursing through his veins as he desperately tried to find the hospital that had called him moments earlier. All the man had heard on his phone was the words "Kisa Shouta" and "car accident" before he dropped everything and ran, the only thing on his mind being the worst.

"I'm so glad you're alive…" the brunet whispered, trying to hold back his tears. "Kisa-san…I-I thought..."

"Y-Yukina…?" The weak voice came from the bed, and Yukina raised his head to see Kisa's eyes slowly flutter open. "Yukina?" His name was repeated again, this time in slight panic. The taller man felt his lover's hand tighten around his own.

He squeezed it back lightly in reassurance, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his chapped lips.

"Shh, Kisa-san. Close your eyes, you need rest."

"C-Close my eyes…?"

Yukina nodded with a smile, keeping a firm but gentle grip on the smaller man's hand. He saw Kisa's eyelids slowly shut, and then open again, something he was going to question but just assumed that he was still dazed from everything that happened. After a couple more repetitions of the same action, however, he spoke.

"Kisa-san, what are you doing?"

The raven haired man turned his head slightly, eyes blankly staring past the brunet. Yukina thought someone had entered the room behind him and turned around, but no one was there.

"Yukina."

It was then that he sensed something was wrong. Very wrong.

 _It couldn't be..._

"Are the lights turned on in here?"

* * *

"Kisa-san has been diagnosed with cortical blindness and T9 paraplegia."

Yukina stared wide eyed at the doctor, trying to comprehend the words being spoken to him. He didn't understand any of the medical terms the man was using, but that one familiar word alone in the sentence told the brunet that the damage done in the accident was serious.

"B-Blind…? But they told me he hit his head pretty hard...why his eyes? I…"

"No damage was done to his eyes directly," the doctor explained. "But he hit his head hard enough to injure his visual cortex, the part of the brain that controls vision." He sighed, sympathy filling his eyes as he spoke his next words. "I'm very sorry, but I'd be lying if I told you the damage this accident caused wasn't serious, sir. It's life changing. And it's not only his vision, but his spine as well."

Yukina felt his chest tighten as he looked towards Kisa's sleeping figure on the bed. Colour was finally starting to return to his lips and cheeks; it seemed like knowing Yukina was here with him really helped his recovery. But what was he going to do when he finally learned the truth?

"What's wrong with Kisa-san's spine?" the man asked weakly. He knew what was coming, he just couldn't bring himself to believe it.

"His spinal cord was damaged in the accident. Thankfully, it was low enough that his arms and upper body weren't affected but…"

"His legs are paralyzed," Yukina finished for him, voice barely above a whisper. "Right?"

The doctor could only nod in reply.

"I'm very sorry."

The brunet sat down and buried his face in his hands, taking a deep breath. He had hoped it would just be a couple of broken bones and bruises, which was already painful enough for him to see, but never would it have occurred to him that Kisa would be suffering from permanent damage. Life changing damage.

He raised his head to the ceiling, trying to keep his tears from falling. Kisa didn't deserve this. Not at all. He was supposed to be living a normal life as a manga editor, he was supposed to be able to walk and see and properly live his life.

So why was he the one going through this? What did Kisa do to have such a fate bestowed upon him?

The brunet took a deep breath.

"Kisa-san…" Yukina said softly, gently cupping his lover's cheek. "Everything's going to be okay," he promised. "I'll stay with you forever and take care of you, no matter what. You got that? I'm not leaving your side."

He reached for the smaller man's hand and squeezed it tightly, taking a shaky breath.

"Everything's going to be okay…"

* * *

"Oh, you're already up?" Yukina exclaimed as he set the bag in his hands on the bedside table. "Morning, then," he greeted with a smile. He pulled the man in for a peck on the forehead before sitting down on the bed.

It was three days after the accident and Yukina made sure to spend all the time he had by Kisa's side. He'd always show up for meals and stay to talk about anything that was going on in his life, maybe read a book to him or have him listen to a great song he just found. Of course, the brunet was missing some of his classes to come visit, but university was the least of his worries. Right now, he needed to focus on helping his lover. He didn't want the man to be alone.

"Now I know how horrible hospital food tastes, so I got you onigiri for breakfast!" Yukina exclaimed, proceeding to take the said item out of the bag. "It's your favorite kind too!"

The smaller man gave what seemed to be a forced smile.

"Yukina, you really don't have to do all this. I'm fine."

 _No you're not._

"What are you saying, Kisa-san! I said I'd take care of you, didn't I?" the brunet whined, quickly unwrapping a rice ball. "Here, say aah…" He brought the onigiri up to Kisa's lips, a large smile on his face. He knew his lover couldn't see his signature, princely smile, but he hoped he could at least sense it. Sense that he was trying his very hardest to help him get through everything, to go back to the way things were before.

But his feelings didn't seem to come across.

Yukina felt a pang of both guilt and pain when the food was snatched out of his hand.

"I can do it myself," Kisa said blankly as he took a bite.

At first, the brunet thought his lover's actions were simply due to his usual distaste of affection, which was all Yukina meant by his action, but he was soon scolding himself for being so stupid and inconsiderate. How could he do something like that when he knew Kisa was still recovering? Of course Kisa would relate it to his loss of sight!

"I-I'm sorry Kisa-san! I didn't mean it like that, I just—

"I know."

Yukina fisted his hands in his lap and closed his eyes, trying to keep himself composed. He knew he had to give Kisa room to recover, but he was growing increasingly distant as the days passed. Why couldn't the man just rely on him? Why couldn't he allow his _boyfriend_ to comfort him? He hadn't cried or spoken about his stress or troubles at all, and Yukina knew he had plenty after going through so much.

Instead of trying to initiate a conversation, like he had planned, the brunet gently took Kisa's hand in his and squeezed it in reassurance. Maybe this was better than words right now. Plus, he had been trying so hard these past few days to keep a conversation going between them but Kisa would always end them with simple okay's, and yeah's. Maybe it was time to try a different way of comforting him.

So he watched Kisa eat his breakfast in silence, keeping a gentle grip on his hand, so that he could pull away at any time if he wanted. Relief washed over him when he didn't.

After around ten minutes of the man quietly nibbling on the rice ball, he moved to put the half eaten onigiri on the bedside table. Yukina was compelled to help him when he saw his hand feeling the countertop, making sure he didn't set it on top of anything, but made sure to hold himself back. Kisa would surely get angry at him again.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the university right now, Yukina?" the smaller male suddenly asked. "You have classes to go to."

The brunette looked up, smiling.

"Oh, don't worry about that, I called in sick today. I want to spend more time with—

"I'm really fine," he cut him off. "Stop worrying about me so much and go to class. I don't need you babysitting me every day." His tone was hard and cold, something that almost made Yukina flinch. Kisa never spoke to him like that, only to annoying exes who bothered to approach him again. "I can take care of myself."

The taller man took a deep breath, trying to console himself.

 _No, Kisa-san's just been going through a lot lately and hasn't been himself._

He tried not to think about how Kisa's attitude only seemed to get worse with each day that passed, how he would ask him to leave earlier and earlier each day. Yukina just told himself to endure it and stay by his side, help him through all of this. He knew he couldn't possibly understand how horrible he felt.

"Alright," he said quietly, gently. "I guess I'll go then…"

Yukina grabbed his bag and stood up, lingering by the bed for a moment. He usually gave the man a goodbye kiss every time he left, but, seeing that Kisa had rolled over to have his back facing him and seemed to really not want any company, he decided not to just this one time.

He was already sliding the door open when he looked back, knowing he couldn't forgive himself if he left without saying or doing anything.

"Kisa-san?" he called over his shoulder as cheerfully as he could. "I love you."

Silence was the only response to his words, and Yukina decided that it was best if he just told himself that his lover had already fallen asleep.

* * *

Yukina took in a breath of fresh air as he wheeled Kisa along the path in the courtyard. It was cherry blossom season, so the air was filled with the sweet scent of flowers and there were pink petals raining down, settling on the ground like a blanket.

He located a lone bench within a mass of trees and decided to stop there, sitting down after positioning Kisa's wheelchair beside him. It was their second spring together, he noted, and it was their first time to really come outside and admire the spring flowers. Of course it was a shame only one of them could actually see the pink blossoms, but there was more to the attraction than just the view.

"Can you smell that, Kisa-san?" the brunet asked, taking a deep breath to emphasize his point. A sweet, pungent scent filled his nostrils as he did so.

The said man only hummed in reply, but Yukina felt relief wash over him as he hadn't been expecting a response of any sort. He turned to see that his lover had his eyes closed, truly focusing on the scent in the air. It was a beautiful sight—his lover beneath the shower of pink petals, a tranquillity in his expression he hadn't seen in awhile. He noticed the deep, slow breaths Kisa was taking. It seemed that the fragrance was really calming him.

Yukina couldn't help but smile to himself. With the way things were going before, he had expected everything to continue going downhill, but maybe Kisa was finally starting to recover. Maybe there was hope.

He leaned in towards the raven haired man with a soft chuckle, earning his attention immediately. The brunet swore he saw a flash of the old Kisa in those innocent, hazel orbs when they turned to him in confusion. He saw the adorable childlike side of the man that he had always loved, one that actually matched his baby features.

Yukina vaguely wondered if he'd ever see that side of Kisa again any time soon, but he quickly directed his mind to present matters.

"You have petals in your hair," he explained with a chuckle, reaching up to brush them away. He didn't draw back when he was done, however, and instead let his fingers linger, soon dragging them down to cup his lover's cheek. The taller man took in his features and looked at his face. Really _looked_ at his face.

 _I'm in love with this guy,_ was all that went through his mind.

Nothing that happened in the accident would change his feelings. Kisa was still Kisa and Yukina loved him whether he could see and walk or not. He could imagine them living the rest of their life together; he never felt this way about anyone else. He was so, so sure about his feelings and he knew Kisa felt the same way, so why wouldn't the man let him in? Why wouldn't he cry in front of him, talk to him about his feelings, or even just lean on him? What did Yukina need to do to convey his feelings so that his lover could truly understand _just how much_ he cared?

The brunet leaned in to press a slow and gentle kiss to Kisa's lips, savouring the sweet feeling. He felt the man tense up upon their contact, but he continued on in hope that he'd relax a bit. Such a state came upon him for about five seconds before he stiffened again, as if he was hesitant to opening up.

But they had done this so many times before.

Yukina pulled away, though still remained at a fairly close distance to his lover. Oh how he wished he could read this guy's thoughts. Then maybe he could go about to making him feel better.

"I'm here if you want to talk to someone," he said instead, hoping to get him to open up a bit. The smaller man was now looking down at his lap, fists clenched so tight they were almost as white as paper. "Or even if you want a shoulder to lean on, or a hug, or something. Please rely on me more Kisa-san, I want to help—

"Let's break up."

Those three sudden words cut Yukina short of all the things he was going to say. He blinked, not quite believing what he heard; it had come out of nowhere.

"What did you—

"I _said_ , let's break up," Kisa repeated, much louder, the loudest he had ever been these past few days, actually. There was anger and frustration evident in his tone, and it hurt the brunet to have it directed at him.

He opened his mouth but no words came out. Kisa's words had rendered him speechless and the two of them sat in silence, a heavy silence that pressed down on Yukina's chest, making it hard to breathe. He tried to make sense of what was going on and collect himself, but he was too utterly confused and hurt at the moment to be able to formulate a coherent thought.

"...why don't we go back inside?" the brunet finally suggested, not waiting for an answer before he stood up and began to wheel the man towards the door. He wanted to occupy himself and pretend he didn't hear those words. He wanted to believe that Kisa was just under too much stress and that he only said such a thing in the spur of the moment, that he didn't mean it at all.

Yukina was almost starting to believe such thoughts when the raven haired man didn't make any sounds of protest, but once they entered his room and the door was closed, he was struck with a dreadful, agonizing reality.

"Yukina, this is the last time you're coming to visit me."

The said man froze, fisting his hands and trying to console himself with his thoughts from earlier before speaking.

"W-Why are you saying such things?" he stammered, giving an uneasy laugh. "I'm sure you're just stressed...you can't really mean that…"

"I do. We're over Yukina," came his immediate reply. There was absolutely no hesitation to it.

Slowly, Yukina felt a mix of emotions rise within him—panic, frustration, confusion. Kisa was serious.

He circled around the wheelchair to kneel in front of his lover, reaching out to take one of his hands.

"Kisa-san, I—

"Stop!" he yelled, hitting his hand away. "Don't you get it? I'm tired of you!"

The brunet could only gape at the man in front of him, feeling his chest tighten and eyes water. He quickly blinked a couple times.

"I don't understand," he ended up saying. "Why so suddenly…?"

"Why?" Kisa repeated in utter disbelief, giving a cold and bitter laugh. "To tell you the truth, I always hated that princely attitude of yours. You were so fake, it was _disgusting_ ," he sneered. Each word was a stab to Yukina's heart, driving pain through his entire being, and he could only lower his head, close his eyes, and take it in. "But do you know why I endured it? Do you know how?" He knew what was coming. "Because of that _goddamn gorgeous face_ of yours.

"I thought I was finally getting some feelings for you, but it's funny—the minute I got blinded, I lost interest." He laughed again. "So what's the point of us being together if I can't see you?" he asked dryly.

Yukina looked at the man he loved with wide eyes of shock, disbelief, and anguish. Clenching his fists, he tried to control all the negative emotions clashing inside him. He didn't want to lose control of himself.

But his words _hurt_. They hurt so much, ripped his heart into shreds.

He thought their relationship was based on more than just looks. He thought he was sure of it with the way Kisa's cheeks flushed whenever he was around, whether he was looking at him or not, or the way his eyes lit up with joy when Yukina said he had been thinking about him. He thought that he had become the first man Kisa actually loved.

He was _so_ sure, but was he wrong?

"Just leave and don't come back!" Kisa spat. "I've had enough of you bothering me for a week!"

Yukina clenched his teeth, lowering his head and slowly standing up. There was really nothing he could do at this point. He never imagined that Kisa would say this to him; the brunet had so much confidence in their relationship, they had been through so much together.

But if Kisa didn't love him, he couldn't force his feelings on him any longer, right?

"I understand," Yukina said quietly, not daring to meet the man's gaze as he walked around him and towards the door. "I won't bother you anymore Kisa-san." He stopped in front of the door, taking a deep breath. "...But I just thought you should know that I still love you. My feelings haven't changed." His lips formed into a bitter smile. "I guess this is crazy but if you ever get your sight back and want _me_ back too, I'll gladly come to your side for another chance at making you really love me."

He slid the door open.

"Goodbye, Kisa-san."

Yukina was already out of the hospital when the man in the wheelchair broke down, sobbing his heart out.

* * *

"Nee, Yukina-kun?" a girl asked, poking his arm. "You seem to be pretty down lately. Did you get dumped or something?"

The said man turned his attention from the books he was organizing on the shelves to the customers beside him. They were a fairly new group of girls to the store, having started coming here a week ago, so he didn't know their names very well yet. But then again, the brunet was in no mood to flirt or sell any books lately, and having someone bring up the exact reason for this mood so casually just worsened it tenfold.

Yukina only sighed softly as he continued to organize the manga in front of him, not even making an attempt to converse with the customers.

"What are you saying, Mizuki? A guy like Yukina-kun would never get dumped!" her friend said with certainty.

The girl named Mizuki scoffed. "Yukina-kun's a normal person too! Don't just assume something like that…"

But she was right, he thought bitterly. Yukina had indeed never been dumped in previous relationships; he had always done the dumping. Maybe that was why he was affected so much right now, feeling like his heart had shattered into a million pieces. This was the first time he really valued a relationship, and the first time he was worried if he was good enough for his partner. He usually had a lot of confidence in himself, with good looks and a good personality, but being with Kisa made him notice his immaturity. He would worry that the man wouldn't want someone as young as him, or get tired and annoyed by the stupid mistakes he'd always make. When he noticed this, he came to the realization that it was the first time he ever felt this way for anyone, to be so desperate and cautious. It was the first time he really loved someone.

And he thought it was the same for Kisa too.

"But no one in the right mind would dump Yukina-kun!" another girl added, turning her attention to the bookstore employee. "So if you really got dumped, that girl is messed in the head. She doesn't deserve you at all."

"Don't talk about Kisa-san like that!" Yukina snapped, the words shooting out of his mouth without warning.

It seemed that such a reaction wasn't in his character at all and the group of girls only gaped at him, stammering apologies. They mumbled a couple excuses before scurrying towards the door, leaving Yukina feeling terrible and guilty that he had just scared away a group of customers.

The brunet sat himself down on a nearby stepladder and buried his face in his hands, giving a sigh.

His job wasn't helping him get over Kisa at all. Not only did his female customers continuously ask him about girlfriends and whatnot, he constantly had to face the shoujo manga he knew his ex-boyfriend had edited, which just reminded him of the said man even more, and how he would never return to his editing job, how Yukina couldn't do anything about it.

It was already a week after their breakup and he still couldn't get his mind off Kisa, always wondering how he was recovering and coping, and how he was doing without him. Yukina had visited Kisa's apartment a couple days after the incident to collect some of his belongings, and couldn't help but worry when he saw that nothing had changed. He should've been out of the hospital by now and moving to a new apartment either on the ground floor or in a complex with an elevator, one that allowed him to use his wheelchair more easily.

Why was he still in the hospital?

He wondered that every day, every time he went back to Kisa's apartment to see that no one had been inside.

"Masamune! What are you doing here?"

Yukina was brought back to reality when he heard a deep, familiar voice call out, and he turned his head to the voices in the aisle beside him. Through the spaces in the bookshelf, he saw Yokozawa, the one who had first introduced Kisa to him, and another man with ebony hair whom he recognized as Kisa's co-worker Takano Masamune.

"What do you think I could be doing in a bookstore?"

"You know that's not what I meant…"

"Well what _did_ you mean then?"

The two men continued to bicker as they looked through the books on the shelves, the topic of their conversation soon heading to work-related matters. The brunet found no point in listening to such a conversation and stood up, ready to get back to work. That was when Yokozawa said something that caught his attention.

"How's that co-worker of yours doing? Kisa, was it?"

Takano slammed the book he had been looking through shut and gave a frustrated sigh. It seemed that Kisa's condition was affecting him quite a bit as well, which worried Yukina to no end. What was going on?

"He's getting worse by the day," he finally said after a while of silence. His words sent panic rising in Yukina's chest, and he had to hold himself steady on the bookshelf to keep from dropping to his knees. "I knew he was having bad headaches but he nearly gave me a heart attack when he passed out today."

The brunet's eyes widened. Why was he getting worse? Didn't the doctors say he was recovering?

"Does he need surgery?" Yokozawa asked in concern.

"Kisa's fucking crazy," was what Takano said in reply. His words ticked Yukina off, the way he was talking about his ex-lover not pleasing him one bit. But he soon understood the reason for this with what was said next. "I'm trying to talk him into getting treated but he just keeps saying the same thing—how he doesn't want to burden anyone anymore and how there wasn't any point in him living. He's depressed as shit and I can't do anything about it. I'm just watching him die."

The meaning of the man's words came upon the brunet slowly, and he was still having a hard time processing it.

Kisa was dying? The doctors found something wrong with his body but he was refusing treatment? He didn't want to be a burden to anyone any longer?

 _Was that why he broke up with me?_

"K-Kisa-san…" he choked.

Yukina collapsed onto the ground right then, confusion and panic coming over him. There was a ringing sound in his ears as he clasped his hand over his mouth, not believing what was happening. How could he let this happen? For the past week, Kisa had been suffering so much...

 _Why wasn't I_ there _for him? Why did I have to take his words so seriously and leave him alone like that?!_

Tears were beginning to blur Yukina's vision as he thought of the worst. He didn't know what kind of illness had come upon Kisa while he was away, but the fact that it was life threatening was all that mattered.

"Yukina-kun, are you alright?" his manager asked, but he could hardly hear him.

Kisa was going to _die_ if he didn't get treated.

Yukina needed to see him. Right now. He didn't know how much time he had left, and that terrified him to no end.

The brunet shot up from the ground so fast his boss actually jumped back with a curse. Before the man could ask him what was wrong again, however, Yukina sprinted out the bookstore with a newfound determination coursing through him, ignoring the confused calls from his coworkers. All he had on his mind was Kisa.

 _Hang in there Kisa. Please._

His frantic trip to the hospital reminded him of two weeks ago, when the accident had just occurred. The one change to this was that the pain he was feeling had increased tenfold. It was his fault this time, it was him leaving Kisa that had caused him to descend into such a depression. If he had just kept his promise and stayed by the man's side, this wouldn't have happened. He would have helped Kisa cope with whatever was going on, and helped him regain his confidence in their relationship, in life itself. Yukina would tell him how he could still clearly see a happy future together with him, and how he was sure his feelings would only get stronger.

The brunet promised himself he'd do all those things once he saw Kisa again.

A frenzy of horns honked on the streets as Yukina ran across without looking, several angry drivers cursing at him through open windows. But he didn't care. His eyes were on the hospital building in front of him where Kisa was staying. Where Kisa might be _dying_.

Yukina burst through the doors, heading to his destination and ignoring his surroundings. The sounds around him—nurses and doctors calling after him, asking who he was and demanding him to stop—were simply just noise in his ears right then. He could only hear the voice in his head screaming at him to run faster, to get to Kisa as soon as possible.

"Kisa-san!" he yelled as he swung open the door to his room. The raven haired man turned to his voice, his eyes wide in complete shock.

"Y-Yukina? What are you doing h—

"I'm so sorry Kisa-san!" he cried, running to his bed and crushing Kisa in a hug.

"I-I told you not to come back! What part of that don't you understand?" The smaller man was clearly trying to sound angry, but his words came out more as whimpers. He was either too weak or just couldn't keep up his act anymore, and Yukina hoped it was the latter.

"I know everything, and I'm so sorry for leaving you like that!" The tears Yukina had been holding back were now rolling down his cheeks, soaking his lover's hospital gown.

"A-Are you _crying_? Yukina, what—

"It's all my fault Kisa-san!"

The man wrapped in his arms didn't move for a while, still flustered and stunned at everything that was going on. The brunet was about to move away when arms slowly came around him to hug him back.

"I-Idiot," Kisa finally said. "I'm the one who broke up with you."

"That doesn't matter!" he sobbed, holding the smaller man even tighter if that was possible. "I should have known better! I'm so sorry!"

"Y-Yukina…"

Yukina felt the man in his arms start shaking and he was soon clinging onto him, bawling his eyes out. Sobs wracked his entire body and he completely broke down, shedding the tears he should have shed weeks ago.

"Wh-Why are you even b-back here?" he whimpered. "After everything I said to you…"

The said man pulled back then, looking into his partner's hazel eyes lovingly. He brushed a couple strands of hair away from his face before leaning in to kiss him passionately, a smile on his lips when he felt Kisa kissing back in what seemed to be desperation. The kiss was salty from their tears, but neither of them minded at all. Yukina was fighting the urge to deepen the kiss and devour him right then, but kept the kiss short, knowing his lover was weak. Instead he moved to kiss other parts of his face—his eyelids, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead.

"I love you, Shouta. I really _really_ love you."

He heard Kisa suck in a breath upon hearing his first name being spoken, his crying stopping momentarily before he burst into tears once more on the brunet's shoulder.

"Why?" he cried. "Yukina, you don't deserve someone like me. You deserve someone so much better, someone younger, prettier, smarter… I'm just a burden to you." Kisa's hands were now tightly fisted in Yukina's shirt. "Please...leave me while you can...before I can't let you go…"

The taller man immediately gathered his lover into his arms, stroking his hair in hope to comfort and calm him down.

"Don't talk about yourself like that ever again," he scolded, though his tone was gentle. "I'm not leaving you; I'll love you no matter what happens. So please, Shouta, _live_. Promise me you'll go through with the treatment. For _me_ ," he pleaded, pressing a gentle kiss on his head. "I'll be waiting for you right outside the operation room and when that's over, we can move into a new house together." Yukina took a deep breath. "Promise me, Shouta."

Kisa took a deep breath as well before replying, biting his lower lip.

"I promise." He then laughed quietly, something that took Yukina by surprise. He never thought he'd hear that laugh again. "What did I do to deserve someone as perfect as you, Yuk—no, _Kou_?"

The brunet had to chuckle at that.

"You just being here, just simply _existing_ ," was all he said as his answer. He kissed his lover again, short and sweet like the one they shared before.

Kisa smiled through his tears, a smile that sent Yukina's heart rate tripling in speed. He had waited so long to see this smile again and it was as beautiful as ever. His eyes were shining with the same sheer joy as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I love y—

A cry suddenly escaped from Kisa's lips and he doubled over, clutching his head in his hands.

"Kisa-san?" Yukina called out in panic, quickly helping to support the man in pain. "Kisa-san! What happened?" His voice rose with each word, which each broken cry that tore through his lover's throat.

"Y-Yukina…"

"Help! Someone help!" Yukina screamed, eyes widening in horror when his lover fell unconscious onto the bed.

Immediately, two nurses and a doctor burst through the doors. They must have been standing right outside the room to have arrived so quickly, probably checking on Yukina as the way he entered the hospital wasn't the most discreet, and he was so, so thankful for that.

The nurses laid Kisa down on the bed and quickly moved to get out of the room, telling the brunet to move out of the way. He did just the opposite, actually, and took the smaller man's hand, squeezing it like his life depended on it.

"Kisa-san! Hang in there! Everything's going to be okay, don't worry!" Yukina yelled, trying to reassure both of them with his words. He ran alongside the nurses and doctors as they pushed Kisa's bed towards the operating room. He knew they wouldn't let him in, but he tried anyways, screaming his lover's name as he struggled against the grips of the four nurses holding him back. "Kisa-san! You can't die on me! You have to stay alive! Please! Kisa-san!"

The doors closed in front of him and Yukina dropped to his knees, sobs wracking his body. He tried to tell himself that Kisa was going to be okay, that the doctors would fix whatever was wrong with him and then everything would be over, but there was that one voice in his head telling him that it was too late, that they had waited too long and now Kisa was going to die.

No, no, no. That couldn't happen. That _wouldn't_ happen.

"Kisa-san!" he cried. "I'm waiting for you outside! You have to come out of that room alive, you hear me?" The brunet knew that the man he was calling for was unconscious, but he still hoped his words would reach him, would give him enough strength to live through his surgery.

Yukina stayed on the ground for the longest time, ignoring the concerned passersby who had asked him what was wrong. He was staring intently at the floor, trying to calm himself while at the same time praying to all the gods above that Kisa would live.

 _You can't die on me… Not when we finally settled everything, not when I started planning our whole future together...You can't die…_

Yukina didn't know when he got up to sit on the bench against the wall, didn't know when he stopped crying, didn't know when the sky got dark. He was just blankly staring at his lap, waiting for the surgery to be over.

So many things were going through his head right then, from how he was going to treasure Kisa forever when he made it out alive, to how he would work hard to get a good job to support the both of them, to how he was going to cope if Kisa died. To be brutally honest, he'd be compelled to take his own life if his lover didn't make it. The guilt of his actions being what drove him to his death would be too much to bear, too much to live with.

Yukina tried to turn his attention away from those depressing thoughts in his mind.

He was nodding off again when he heard the sound of the OR doors sliding open, and the brunet jumped up to his feet, scrambling over to the doctor walking out. He was scared to look at the man's face, sure that his expression alone held the results he had been so anxiously waiting for.

 _Please, please tell me he's okay…_

Opening the eyes he hadn't even known he'd shut, Yukina looked up.

"The surgery was a success."

The surgeon had a warm smile on his face, sending a heavenly relief washing through the brunet. The relief was so much, in fact, that he felt his knees give away, tears pricking his eyes once more. There wasn't any suitable way that could fully express his gratefulness, but he did all that he could to show it, clasping the doctor's hands in his and bowing on his knees, endless thank you's escaping his lips.

 _Kisa's alive._

 _He's okay._

 _I can see him again._

 _We can be happy again._

 _Thank god…_

He was soon pulled up from his position on the ground and filled in on Kisa's condition and what exactly happened, but he was so excited to see his lover he could hardly pay attention and simply nodded. He heard some medical terms he didn't quite understand, and then something else about a ruptured blood vessel in his brain he had since his accident and had refused to treat.

Finally, Yukina spotted Kisa being wheeled out the operation room and let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Seeing the man breathing, although still unconscious, allowed him to relax completely. The doctor conveniently stopped talking then and the brunet rushed towards Kisa as they took him back to his room.

The nurses were considerate to leave right away after informing Yukina that Kisa would be awake in an hour or so, giving them some time alone. The brunet took this chance to steal a quick kiss from his lover, a warm smile on his face as he looked down at his sleeping figure.

"I'm so glad…" he whispered.

* * *

Yukina jerked awake when he felt the hand he was holding twitch, and he looked towards his sleeping lover to see his eyes slowly flutter open. A large smile spread on his lips as leaned in, brushing a couple strands of hair away from the man's face.

"You're finally up," he said softly.

Kisa hummed as he rubbed at the sleep in his eyes. When he tried to sit up, Yukina quickly lent him a hand and propped his pillow up so he could lean back against it. Silence settled over them as he got comfortable, neither of them quite knowing what to say. Just as Yukina was opening his mouth, Kisa spoke.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?"

The brunet only laughed. His lover must've still been groggy from his deep sleep, too dazed to recognize his voice.

"It's me, Yukina."

He was about to continue on and talk about how grateful and relieved he was that Kisa was okay, when he saw the man's eyebrows furrow in confusion. He cocked his head at him.

"Yukina…?" he said slowly, as if testing the name on his lips.

"Yes, Yukina Kou, your boyfriend."

By now, Yukina was getting genuinely worried for the raven haired man. He was acting strange, _far_ too strange for his liking. Kisa was finally done recovering and they had mended their relationship; he didn't want another problem to arise so soon.

"Are you okay?"

His lover still gave him that same confused look, slowly retreating his hand from Yukina's grasp.

"I-I don't have a boyfriend...who are you?"

The brunet froze.

"What?" he choked, eyes widening. "No…it can't be…" No, this couldn't be happening. Kisa had suffered too much already. And the doctor said that everything went smoothly, he said that no damage was done to his brain at all. So why couldn't he remember him?

"It's me, Yukina!" he exclaimed, leaning in closer. "Kisa-san, there's no way you could forget me! Please try to remember!"

The raven haired man bit his lip, and Yukina could tell that he was thinking hard. He let out a breath of relief when his lover suddenly showed a look of understanding.

"...Did we perhaps have a one night stand at some point?" Kisa offered, his words a stab to Yukina's chest.

"No! You stopped doing that after you started going out with _me_! Kisa-san, please remember... _please_ …" he pleaded, tears threatening to spill over. Why was he being put through this? Didn't both of them suffer enough? Why was something like this happening? "Please…" He buried his face into Kisa's chest, hugging him tightly. "I...I can't lose you again…"

There was a moment of silence before Yukina suddenly felt something strange underneath him. It wasn't extremely obvious but his lover's chest was...rumbling? Was he laughing?

The brunet looked up, his mind going completely blank upon seeing the small smile on Kisa's lips.

"I think you've had enough, Yukina," he said softly. "Come here…" With that, the raven haired man wrapped his arms around a stunned Yukina and pulled him in for a kiss, one much more passionate and needy than the ones they had shared earlier. Kisa was already panting hard, as he was weak from his surgery, when he was pushed away, though it seemed like he hadn't been planning to stop any time soon.

"Wait!" Yukina waved his hands in front of him, finally managing to voice his utterly confused and shocked thoughts. "Wh-What's going on? I...I thought…"

He stared at his lover in both confusion and disbelief for a while longer, unable to process what was going on.

When he took in the man's smile again, realization suddenly hit him.

"Y-You mean it was…" The brunet grabbed Kisa's shoulders, mouth hanging open in complete shock. "Kisa-san!" he whined. "How could you play such a mean joke! I was so worried!"

The raven haired man smiled sheepishly, feeling around until his hands got to Yukina's face. Once there, he gently caressed his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he apologized with a soft chuckle. "I thought...a little joke could lighten the atmosphere a bit. I guess that was bad judgement on my part…" He bit his lip. "Are you mad?"

Yukina huffed, feining annoyance, but still had loving eyes directed at Kisa. If he was laughing, if he was happy, then he could be forgiven. The brunet wasn't even feeling an ounce of anger anyway, only absolute relief that amnesia wasn't another thing he needed to worry about, that Kisa didn't have to go through that _too_.

"You know, for a man in his thirties, you're pretty childish," Yukina teased, ruffling the man's hair.

Kisa only smiled and reached for the hand on his head, bringing it to his lips instead. The brunet stared intently as he kissed the back of his hand, the inside of his palm, and his fingers before moving it to cup his cheek.

"I really missed you, Kou…" he whispered, nuzzling into him. "I...I love you…"

Yukina sucked in a breath at the sudden confession, feeling his heart beat rapidly against his chest. He sure wasn't expecting _that_. Honestly, the effect his lover had on him was just incomprehensible. Only _he_ could make his heart beat so fast, only _he_ could awaken that urge inside Yukina to both protect him yet devour him at the same time.

Kisa suddenly cleared his throat, looking away as if he could feel the brunet's intense stare.

"Anyway, the doctor said I could leave after two days," he said, trying to change the topic. Yukina could still see a hint of flush on his cheeks though, which was honestly so cute that he just had to lean in for a peck on the lips.

"And we can look for houses on sale," the taller man added and smiled at his own words. "Hey, don't you think we seem like newlyweds?"

The raven haired man blushed at that, his face a tomato red that Yukina never thought he'd see again. So the old Kisa really _was_ back, he thought as the said man started sputtering denials.

The brunet took this chance to simply admire his lover's face, his thoughts soon wandering to their relationship and future. He knew Kisa was probably still lacking in confidence with their relationship, but Yukina had thought about it countless times, asking himself if he really wanted to be with him.

And the answer was always yes. He wanted a life with the man, wanted to see and talk to him every day, wanted the feeling of returning home to someone he loved.

"Yukina?" Kisa must have noticed the said man's silence.

"You know, I…" Now it was Yukina's turn to blush, and he scratched the back of his head as he looked off to the side. "I wouldn't mind making it happen…"

Kisa cocked his head in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Yukina gave a shy smile and took a deep breath.

"You know...being…newlyweds…" His words were soft, so soft he wasn't even sure his lover had heard them. However, said lover's sudden outburst told the brunet he did.

"Wh-What's that supposed to mean?!" Kisa's mouth was hanging wide open and his face was flushed an even deeper shade of red than before, if that was even possible. Yukina also found himself blushing madly and he covered his face with his hands, despite knowing his lover couldn't see him.

"Kisa-san! Th-This is really hard for me too! Please understand!"

"A-Are you _p-proposing_ to me?"

The brunet tried to bury himself further into his hands, despite knowing that it was impossible. Who knew this could be so embarrassing? How did other people manage to do this?

"Yukina? Answer me!"

By now, both men were incredibly flustered, and large hazel eyes were staring right into Yukina's in both disbelief and anticipation. He grabbed Kisa's hands, clasping them tightly in his as he tried to find the right words to say. There were so many emotions whirling inside him right then, so many that he couldn't possibly express all of them in a couple sentences.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

"…L-Let's get married, Shouta."

* * *

 **Did I scare you guys with the amnesia thing? ;) You know, when I was going through a list of possible endings in my head, I was actually choosing between having Kisa die in the surgery and Kisa having memory loss _after_ the surgery. Buuuut I felt like a happy ending suited this fic better _and_ would make you guys happier so I came up with this! :D**

 **I hope you guys liked it and I'd love it if you reviewed!**

 **P.S. Should I write a second chapter in Kisa's POV?**


	2. Extra (Kisa POV)

**Hey guys here's the long awaited chapter in Kisa's POV!**

* * *

When Kisa woke up, he was faced with complete darkness. His body ached and his head throbbed in pain, feeling as if it had split in two and worsening when he tried to think back and remember what had happened to him. He felt a familiar warmth enveloping his hand and heard whispers sounding beside him. Though he couldn't quite make out the words being said, he recognized the voice immediately.

"Y-Yukina…?"

He opened his eyes, or at least he _thought_ he did, but darkness still remained. This made panic rise in his chest. Where was he? What was he doing in such a dark place?

"Yukina?" he repeated, squeezing the hand around his tightly.

 _Or maybe...I haven't actually opened by eyes yet?_

The raven relaxed when his hand was squeezed back in reassurance, feeling even more so when he felt warm lips brushing against his own. This always had such a calming effect on him, and he felt his headache actually start to recede.

"Shh, Kisa-san," Yukina whispered gently. "Close your eyes, you need to rest."

"C-Close my eyes?"

Kisa found himself doing just that, but then opened his eyes again, and then repeated the same action only to realize that the room he was in must be pitch black.

But why?

"Kisa-san, what are you doing?"

The raven opened his mouth to answer, only to be hit with a sudden realization. Yukina could _see_ what he was doing.

 _But then…why can't I see anything?_

Kisa had a very bad feeling in his gut, and he turned his head as much as he could towards where his boyfriend's voice was coming from, ignoring the sharp pain shooting through his head at the slight action.

"Yukina…" he whispered, his throat dry. "Are the lights turned on in here?"

There was a pause. A very long pause that sent millions of worries running through the raven's head. What was going on? Why couldn't he see anything? It couldn't be that…

"No," Yukina finally said. "I told the nurses to turn them off since bright lights would be bad for your headache."

Kisa let out a breath of relief he hadn't known he'd been holding, managing to relax his stiffened body. So that was all. The lights _were_ off.

 _Thank god…_

"Mm...okay," he mumbled, closing his eyes. His chapped lips curved into a smile when he felt his lover's lips pressing to his forehead. Knowing Yukina was by his side, Kisa managed to fall into a deep sleep right away.

* * *

It was the next time Kisa woke up that he faced the truth. The painful, miserable, agonizing truth.

" _I think I can handle the lights on now, Yukina. Plus, I really want to see you."_

" _Kisa-san…"_

" _Please? If they really bother me, I'll tell you to turn them off."_

" _Just listen to m—_

" _Here. Let me sit up so we can…"_

" _Kisa-san."_

" _..."_

" _..."_

" _Yukina..._ oh god _. I can't move my legs! What's happening to me? Call a doctor! Please call a doctor!_ Please _! Oh god Yukina, I...I can't move them at all!"_

" _K-Kisa-san, I know this is really hard for you...I'm so sorry…"_

" _Wh-What are you talking about? Why are you apologizing? The doctors can fix this! I...I can move them again…right?"_

" _..."_

" _Yukina answer me!"_

" _...I'm sorry…"_

" _..."_

" _..."_

" _You mean...I can't…Why?_ Why _?!"_

" _Kisa-san...look I—_

" _What are you saying? That's impossible! There's no way…"_

" _I'm so sorry…"_

" _..."_

" _..."_

" _So, the lights...they've been on this whole time, haven't they…?"_

Yukina could only hold him and whisper reassuring words in his ear after that, but it was like Kisa couldn't hear him at all. He just sat there, staring blankly at the wall. Honestly, the raven surprised himself when he didn't cry, when he didn't feel any anger, sadness, or anything at all. Kisa was empty. Emotionless. Only one thought was running through his mind at the time.

 _I'm a burden to him. That's all I am now._

* * *

 _Why is he still here?_

 _Why does he still come visit me?_

 _He should have left me right when he found out._

 _Why didn't he?_

* * *

"Kisa-san, I'm very sorry but your CT scans show that your fall from the accident ruptured a vessel in your brain. We've looked at it and it seems like an intracranial hematoma. "

"...Is it life threatening?"

"The collection of blood is going to cause serious damage. You've already been showing symptoms like headaches and vomiting, and I know this is hard, but I must inform you that you _will_ die if it's left for too long. I advise you to do the surgery as soon as possible. My team and I are ready to do it today, as long as you give us permission to do so."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Kisa-san?"

"I don't need the surgery."

"Sir, this is a life threatening condition you're in. If you don't treat it, then—

"I don't need treatment."

"Kisa-san. I hope you're aware that you're ignoring medical advice from a _doctor_. We can't force you to have the surgery, but it's—

"I already said I'm not doing it. Now leave me alone, I don't want to see anyone."

"..."

"..."

"...If you change your mind, you need to tell us right away. The longer you wait, the more risk there is."

"..."

"..."

"Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"You know the man that always comes to visit me?"

"...ah, yes. The handsome one with light brown hair?"

"Please don't tell him about this."

"..."

"..."

"...alright. Rest well, Kisa-san."

* * *

 _Why is he acting as if nothing happened?_

 _Why is he still so caring, so nice? What good does he get in taking care of an old crippled man like me?_

 _Why does he still kiss me? Why does he still hug me? And hold my hand?_

 _Why does he still say he loves me?_

* * *

"Let's break up."

Those words had been stuck in his throat for so many days now. So many times, Kisa had been prepared to say them to his lover, and all those times, he had chickened out. He loved Yukina. He really _loved_ him, and he didn't want to be separated from him, but it was _because_ he loved him that he had to do this.

Yukina couldn't be with him any longer.

Kisa knew he was affecting his studies. No, not only that. He was affecting his _whole life_. Yukina was still in his twenties and had a long life ahead of him. He shouldn't be spending that time taking care of some crippled man. He should be spending his time on his studies, on a girlfriend his own age. Kisa had already been so hesitant on being with him before, but now, now he knew there was no way.

So he fisted his hands in his lap and forced those words out, telling himself he was taking a burden off his lover's shoulders.

"What did you—

"I _said_ , let's break up." Kisa surprised himself at the volume and anger in his voice. He'd been so quiet and emotionless these past few days that he didn't think he had any of that in him anymore.

There was a long silence between them, and the raven knew this was it. Yukina was leaving him.

So when the man suggested they go back to his room and didn't give him a chance to answer before starting to wheel him back, Kisa was confused. He was confused, shocked, and frustrated. He was giving the man a way out and he wasn't taking it. He didn't understand his lover's intentions at all. But if this went on any longer, Kisa didn't know if he'd be _able_ to let Yukina go.

"Yukina, this is the last time you're coming to visit me."

Kisa heard his lover suck in a breath, he could sense his confusion and pain in the air around them. He hated this, but he knew this was for Yukina's own good, so he kept a straight, expressionless face and willed himself not to break in front of him.

"Wh-Why are you saying such things? I'm sure you're just stressed...you can't really mean that..."

 _I don't._

"I do. We're over Yukina."

Kisa heard the brunet rush to get in front of him and felt the desperate grip Yukina suddenly had on his hand. It was funny how he could tell that these were his lover's hands just by the feel of them. He remembered the countless times those large, warm hands had been holding his, caressing his cheek, tangled in his hair, running over his whole body...Kisa didn't think he could ever forget those feelings.

"Kisa-san, I—

"Stop!" the raven yelled, quickly hitting his hand away. "Don't you get it? I'm tired of you!"

 _Please. Just leave. Please Yukina..._

"I don't understand," the brunet said quietly. "Why so suddenly…?"

"Why?" Kisa repeated in utter disbelief, giving a cold and bitter laugh. "To tell you the truth," he paused, but willed himself to keep going. "I always hated that princely attitude of yours. You were so fake, it was _disgusting_." He tried hard, so, so hard, not to show any signs of the absolute misery he was going through. He wanted to cry. Wanted to scream. But he clenched his teeth and continued. "But do you know why I endured it? Do you know how?" The raven paused. If he wanted the man to leave, he knew his next words would do the job. He knew that despite Yukina's confidence, they would completely tear him apart. But it was fine if the man was heartbroken for a couple days, because the rest of his life would be so much better without Kisa to burden him. "Because of that _goddamn gorgeous face_ of yours," he spat. _I'm sorry, Yukina._ "I thought I was finally getting some feelings for you, but it's funny—the minute I got blinded, I lost interest." He laughed again. "So what's the point of us being together if I can't see you?"

For once, Kisa was glad that he couldn't see his lover. He knew that Yukina's expression right then would completely break him, he wouldn't be able to keep up this act up anymore. And right now, the raven wanted so, so badly to bury himself into the man's chest and cry, cry and tell him that none of the things he said were true, that he loved him with all that he possibly could.

"Just leave and don't come back! I've had enough of you bothering me for a week!" Yelling like this was actually helping calm Kisa down, it helped him let out his anger and frustration. But though it felt good in the moment, everything just came back mere seconds later, the pain rising tenfold.

 _Leave. Just leave me alone so I don't have to go through all this anymore._

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Kisa heard the man in front of him stand up.

"I understand."

 _Yukina..._

"I won't bother you anymore Kisa-san."

 _Please...just go..._

"...But I just thought you should know that I still love you. My feelings haven't changed."

Kisa's eyes widened at those words, tears threatening to fall. What was that supposed to mean? Who did he think he was, confessing again before he left? He was just making Kisa's heart ache for him even more, making him fall in love all over again right when they were about to part.

 _What could I possibly have done to get someone as perfect as you?_

"I guess this is crazy but if you ever get your sight back and want _me_ back too, I'll gladly come to your side for another chance at making you really love me."

He felt a tear roll down his cheek.

Thank god his back was facing Yukina.

"Goodbye, Kisa-san."

Kisa heard the door close, and his room was filled with a dreadful silence before all his tears spilled over. He didn't hold his voice back, and sobbed and wailed until he lost it. He cried until there were no more tears left to cry, and even then his body was still shaking and he was biting down on his fist to keep from screaming.

 _I did this for him...this was the right thing. Yukina's still young and immature and he doesn't understand this stuff. I have to be the responsible one and think about his future. He would have regretted staying with me. I can't make a perfect guy like him waste his life taking care of someone like_ me _..._

Kisa was a mess when the nurses came to check up on him, his face streaked with tears and body hunched over and shaking. They let him be once realizing his tears weren't from any physical pain, though still kept a close eye on him. And thank god they had stayed because not two minutes after they had arrived did Kisa feel a wave of both pain and nausea shoot through his skull and he lurched forward, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the tiled floor.

They told him his condition was getting worse, and that it would only get worse with time. Again, they tried to convince him to get the surgery done. And again, Kisa said no.

* * *

"How are things going, Kisa?" Takano asked gently as he sat down beside the said man's bed. "You doing okay?"

The raven laughed bitterly, not raising his head.

"Yeah. I'm doing fine." _I just can't see...or walk. And I just broke up with my boyfriend._ "Perfectly fine." Sarcasm dripped from his words.

A sigh escaped from Takano's lips.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. Of course you're not okay…"

Kisa felt tears coming again but he quickly blinked them away, clearing his throat. He wasn't crying in front of anyone right now.

"How's Marukawa?"

"You asked me that yesterday."

"Well we need something to talk about, don't we?"

The raven heard another sigh come from his boss, as well as the sound of him shifting in his seat. It was obvious that he had something to say, and Kisa had a pretty good idea of what it was about. And he did _not_ want to talk about it.

"How are things going between you and Ricchan?" he quickly asked before the man could speak. "Are you guys finally going out?"

"Kisa, I know about the hematoma."

Kisa pressed his lips together, tilting his head downwards. He didn't want to talk about this; he had already made his decision. What good was he in the condition he was in? What else did he have that he could live for now that Yukina left him?

"If that's all you want to talk about then please leave. You're wasting your time."

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, the touch sending a warmth through his body that he liked and hated at the same time. He wanted to be cared for, but he knew he was just wasting everyone's time. They could be doing things far more important.

"Why won't you do the surgery?" Takano asked anyway. "You'll die if you—

"I can't walk or see," Kisa cut him off. "Can you imagine someone living a life like that? A _happy_ life?"

"I know things may seem hard now, but I'm sure that—

"That what? That everything will work out in the end?" he shouted in disbelief. "Do you think things will work out in the condition I'm in? I'm just a burden to everyone close to me! I'll waste their time, and their money, and I won't be happy! Do you see a reason for me to live like that? Because I don't! I'm doing everyone a favor right now, don't you see?"

By the time he stopped, Kisa was panting, not having yelled like that in a long time. He was weaker than ever right now, and he held his head in his hands, taking a deep breath. He could sense the pain coming and gritted his teeth.

"Kisa, are you okay?"

He tried to get out an answer then but the whole room felt like it was spinning and his head felt like it was splitting open. Takano's voice suddenly began to fade away and he heard the man calling for the nurses before he completely lost consciousness.

* * *

 _Why am I still alive?_

 _When will this thing kill me?_

 _It hurts...so so much..._

 _I wonder how Yukina's doing…_

 _I miss him…_

* * *

The days and nights remained uneventful at the hospital, with the doctors insisting Kisa to have daily sessions with a psychologist and learning braille, to which he only agreed to to occupy both his time and thoughts. His migraines were getting worse and were coming in much shorter intervals; he wasn't sure how long he'd last.

He had just been contemplating using a faster, more painless way to stop everything when he heard shouting outside.

"Kisa-san!"

Kisa's eyes widened at the familiar voice that tore through the silence in the air.

"Y-Yukina? What are you doing h—

"I'm so sorry Kisa-san!" the brunet cried, the loud sound causing a terrible ringing in the smaller man's ears, though he was too focused on trying to understand what was going on to care.

 _No, no, no! You have nothing to do with me anymore, why are you back here?_

Kisa soon found himself being crushed in his ex-lover's arms, an incredible warmth spreading through his whole body at his embrace. He really didn't know how much he missed this feeling until now: this safe and relaxing feeling that made him forget about everything. The raven was losing himself in the man's touch, not wanting to go back to those miserable days without him.

Tears pricked his eyes, and he quickly tried to blink them away.

"I-I told you not to come back! What part of that don't you understand?" he tried to yell, though his words only came out as whimpers. It was too hard to do so many things at once: hold back his tears, act like he hated the guy in front of him, and ignore the throbbing pain in his skull. He didn't think he could do it anymore.

"I know everything, and I'm so sorry for leaving you like that!" Yukina sobbed, hugging him even tighter if that was possible.

The raven suddenly felt something wet on his shoulder, where the brunet's face was resting. He felt it seep through his hospital gown and onto his skin.

"A-Are you _crying_? Yukina, what—

"It's all my fault Kisa-san!"

Kisa stayed frozen in place, doubting the reality of everything, questioning himself over and over again: what did he do to deserve a boyfriend like this? What did Yukina see in him? Was he dreaming?

But he was tired. Tired of lying, tired of pretending. After all this, after everything that happened to him, everything he had done, everything he had said, Yukina _still_ came back. It confused him to no end but all that mattered was that _he came back_. He wasn't giving up on Kisa.

Slowly, and ever so hesitantly, the raven wrapped his arms around the man to hug him back. He instantly remembered the feel of his toned body underneath his palms, against his chest, and the faint scent of paint mixed with his own musky scent.

"I-Idiot," he finally said. "I'm the one who broke up with you."

"That doesn't matter! I should have known better!" Yukina cried. "I'm so sorry!"

Kisa was tearing up again, and this time, he let himself cry.

"Y-Yukina…"

The first tear came rolling down his cheek, and then he completely broke down. Tears streamed down his face as sobs wracked his body. He was letting it all out, all the pain and frustration and everything that had built up through the course of these weeks.

"Wh-Why are you even b-back here? After everything I said to you…" Kisa sobbed.

He felt Yukina pull away from him, which made him panic like crazy. But those hands never left his shoulders, and he could _feel_ the man's gaze locked on his. A couple strands of hair were brushed away from his face and suddenly the raven felt soft lips on his in a passionate kiss.

He kissed the brunet back desperately; he had been longing for those lips for so long. He didn't want to part. He just wanted to stay like this forever, wanted this perfect man all to himself.

Kisa felt more tears spilling over but he continued to kiss the man. He remembered crying like this after breaking up with Yukina. He remembered how lonely and cold it had felt, and despite the four nurses tending to him and helping him calm down, his whole world seemed an endless abyss with only him inside it.

Now it felt so warm. He felt like these tears were emptying out all his stress and pain, and his body felt lighter than ever. As he clung onto the brunet, he felt a spark of hope ignite within him. It was tiny, but it was there. It was funny: he had just been thinking about death a couple minutes ago. It was crazy how this man changed things.

The kiss ended _much_ sooner than Kisa would have liked, although those tender lips were now brushing against his eyelids, his cheeks, and his nose. He was short of breath and was taking in large gulps of air, but Yukina's next words made him stop breathing all together.

"I love you Shouta. I really _really_ love you."

The raven sucked in a breath, his heart pounding against his chest upon hearing the man use his first name. He didn't even realize he had stopped crying until he burst into tears again, burying his face into the crook of Yukina's neck.

 _I never thought I'd be able to hear your voice again, let alone hear you say_ that _._

"Why?" he sobbed. "Yukina, you don't deserve someone like me. You deserve someone so much better, someone younger, prettier, smarter… I'm just a burden to you." Kisa fisted his hands tightly in Yukina's shirt. It was as if he was afraid he'd slip through his fingers, despite he himself being the one telling him to leave. "Please...leave me while you can...before I can't let you go…"

 _I don't think I can let you go even now. It's your fault for coming back here. I had completely given up already._

"Don't talk about yourself like that ever again," Yukina scolded, though his tone was gentle. He gathered the man into his arms and Kisa felt long, soothing fingers stroking his hair. "I'm not leaving you; I'll love you no matter what happens. So please, Shouta, _live_. Promise me you'll go through with the treatment. For _me_ ," he pleaded, pressing a gentle kiss on his head. His lips seemed to instantly halt the waves of pain shooting through the raven's skull. "I'll be waiting for you right outside the operation room and when that's over, we can move into a new house together. Promise me, Shouta."

 _Are you sure about this?_ Kisa wanted to ask, but he was in no condition to push this man away any longer. Yukina was his and he knew that now. He couldn't deny his feelings anymore.

"I promise." Kisa couldn't help but laugh, the sound already sounding foreign to his ears. How long had it been since he felt this happy? "What did I do to deserve someone as perfect as you, Yuk—no, _Kou_?"

"You just being here, just simply _existing_ ," Yukina said simply, chuckling.

Kisa was pulled into another sweet kiss, and as he savoured those soft lips on his, he finally understood: this was what it felt like to be swept off your feet, this was one of those moments in Shoujo manga where there were sparkles everywhere and two whole pages were dedicated to a sole scene. This was love.

The raven pulled away and smiled up at his lover. He _really_ smiled, because he had completely given up and he had lost everything but _this man_ still wanted to stay with him. This perfect human being was willing to stay by his side.

"I love y—

Pain ripped through Kisa's skull right then, tearing a broken cry from his lips. He doubled over and clutched his head in his hands, trying to fight back the nauseating feeling crashing onto him.

 _No. Please no. Not now!_

"Kisa-san?" Yukina called out in panic, and the raven felt tense hands grip his shoulder and back to keep him steady. "Kisa-san! What happened?"

The room was spinning. It was spinning so fast, and his head hurt so much. So, so much.

Was this the end? Was he going to die?

"Y-Yukina…" he whimpered.

"Help! Someone help!" Yukina screamed, and Kisa fell.

* * *

" _Kisa-san! Don't die on me! You have to stay alive! Please! You have to come out of that room alive!"_

 _..._

 _Is that...Yukina's voice?_

 _...am I dying?_

 _..._

 _No._

 _I can't die now._

 _Yukina's waiting._

 _He's waiting for me._

 _He's waiting…_

* * *

 **And there you have it, this fanfic is officially done! I hope you all liked it and thanks for all your reviews and favourites! :)**


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